Creative Vulnerability: How We utilize our expression and sensitivity to transform life and all of existence
“Creative Vulnerability,” my heart whispered, “this is the way in, and this is the way out...”
Laying in bed this morning, eyes still puffy from yesterday, an absolute melting of walls around my heart, layered in trauma, fear and sorrow, I hear the phrase that suggests a spark of intuitive evolution and radical transformation. So many who know me have told me I am very sensitive, and while I agree, the subliminal connotation is often negatively charged. Rarely is it expressed as a potent gift, empathy and deep compassion that draws feelings from all timelines in all directions, for souls beyond mine alone. I have come to cherish my sensitivity more times than not, for, as an Intuitive, my senses are always expanding, bringing more insight, wisdom and teachings that I know ultimately are for the wellbeing of all. My sensitivity is what grants access to worlds that many are unfamiliar with, where I communicate with my heart to animals and plants, to the sky and to the stars. I can see into what others are feeling, often times before they are even aware. I feel into space, and am shown the quality of life that resides and breathes there. Sometimes what I pick up on is uncomfortable, and still I know it is radically imperative that I choose to honor all that I see with light to the best of my ability. I believe cleaning up and dilating these channels, through presence and acceptance is what enables creative inspiration on so many levels.
Sure, I’ve known I am a creative person. I have even been told that literally my problem is that I’m “just too creative” and “way too sensitive” and this is why from the outside, it appears it’s taken me longer to settle onto a career path or any other number of things that people have decided should or shouldn't be in my life. Talented in many ways and so curious and enamored with so many things, it felt as though choosing a path in any direction would somehow trap me in some illusionary, inevitable future boredom and monotonous routine… total abandon for the thousand other ideas and dreams that have danced through my mind once, if not dozens of times before. Sensitivity and creativity have always felt like the magic that sets my heart on fire, portals for the seriously potent magic I know I am capable of. This dynamic duo drives my passion, my ability to see, feel, hear and understand details about the world that some never question, let alone swim in. So why has it felt so hard? How do we get out of our own way or release the judgements and walls around our incredible gifts and ultimate life force?
When I have insisted on pushing, or rejecting the bubbling of feelings I know ultimately are here for my highest evolution, they accumulate aggressively in my emotional body and leak out periodically, latching to stories of abandonment, trauma, rejection and heartbreaks from my past. To say I’m over this pattern is an understatement. If not for harmony in my own life, but for the wellbeing of the world. I will say this A LOT; what we do, how we speak, act, honor our feelings, love… makes a difference! The influence of our conscious and subconscious actions are rippling through the lives of others, the oceans, the trees, the life that thrives on this planet, and the entire universe at this very moment. We may not always receive validation first hand of the effort we offer, but we matter, our choices matter.
I face intense emotions to help honor them with love, and to choose new ways of existing. Whatever the reason is, I know my choice and ultimate joy lies in my channeling of this energy. What I have come to realize is that this energy is a mysterious benevolence in my life that even though in the moment can create much discomfort, I always find more clarity and love on the other side. The energy that shifts our hearts has purpose, and we all have our roles in sharing ours and expediting it to the rest of the world. Asking myself where this energy wants to move, and how it wishes to transform is the creation of my soul’s journey. The movement of love. So, utilizing this force of creation, how can we begin to really tap into our fullest embodiment and expression? I believe it is through our vulnerability. Through our connection to our heart first and foremost and the frequency we radiate and welcome with all hearts. To create is to be so vulnerable. To illuminate the vision of our hearts, perhaps for the public even, as work? I know... as I sit here typing away, spilling my beans, wondering why I am sharing all this, and honoring still that I feel guided to do so, to respect the process and open wide to creative ingenuity. To be an artist and move with the pulse of the heart feels natural, but when we attach monetary value or find ourselves at the expense of countless critiques, both good and bad, it makes us wonder, how can we really stay grounded and balanced in our unique service? How can we nurture an authentic heart space that fuels our inspiration to continue and evolve? I mean, the definition of vulnerability is “the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.” So, on a subconscious level, no wonder the resistance… no wonder the angst, no wonder the delay.
To create is to bring into existence, wherein we face deep and profound vulnerability. I believe the subconscious works in amazing ways, and through my studies I have encountered numerous ways of tapping into this fascinating world to help heal on all levels, past, present and future. I will most definitely touch on this over the series of these offerings, but for now, let us just play with the idea, as it may be new for some. Our beliefs, conscious and subconscious work as filters in our reality. In a sense, clouding, or magnetizing, avoiding or choosing certain scenarios and happenings in our lives. I have found one of the clearest ways to access the channels of immediate awareness to what my heart is trying to communicate with me is through something I like to call, Creative Vulnerability, how we utilize our expression, our sensitivity, to transform life and all of existence. We all are creative creators. Yes, we all are capable of channeling, creating magic in each moment. Our hearts want to lead, to be heard. To love and to be loved more deeply than we ever imagined possible.
Self love has become seemingly, almost trendy as of recent, and thank goodness for this! I’ve read even “2018 is the year for self care” which is super rad! Making time to rub our skin with oil, to make beautiful spaces around us, to nourish ourselves with delicious and vibrant food… to hydrate our cells, to move our bodies. We are being asked to step up, to show up with our hearts blasting open, and it starts here, now, inside. Let us make space to be so vulnerable with ourselves, to listen, to create. Start small or start big. Write, freely, just for you. Maybe take a bath with flower essences, salts, essential oils and crystals, just so you can breathe and allow yourself to really feel into what you want to welcome in your life. Open your heart and pray, wish, envision, whatever you desire to call it, for something bigger than you. This is where intuition dances, where we abandon rigid should and should nots, and we just melt into the foundation of existence. Everyday we have the opportunity to expand and to love bigger. How can we share more authentically? How can we tap into more light and freedom? Where does our creativity wish to soar? I think the secret lies in listening to what our hearts wish to speak, and just following the process, without attachment or expectation to what the result will look like or should be. And with this, trusting that once we take a step, once we choose to just move, to act on our inspiration, energy moves and we will be supported. Doors will open we never expected to be there in the first place, let alone welcome us in warmly. More love all ways. Xo.
It’s officially Spring, and I am super on board. Just as slivers of light begin to float through the curtains, the birds are already singing, welcoming the day. I love their cheerful conversations and as I lay in bed, I ponder what it is they are actually saying to one another? It’s amazing when you really listen you can pick up on the patterns, the subtle and eloquent trills, so intricate and mysterious. Something so easy to miss, drowned out by the busy morning hustle and bustle of the world. I like to imagine they are singing about breakfast or maybe love, and the delight they simply can’t hide that the sun is rising again. Same same little birdies. I’m grateful to be here to see the sun rise again, to be in love, and for my hungry belly reiterating that it’s indeed time to break my nightly fast and start my day.
Spring welcomes dewy, fresh beginnings, an awakening from the colder and darker months of winter. She embodies delicacy and supple, new life. Looking at the gorgeous bounty, quite literally sprouting to the surface, an invitation arises to nourish ourselves in bright and tender ways. Instinctively, I have been cultivating this energy for the last few weeks more intentionally, meditating early in the morning, and moving away from certain habits and foods which don’t feel in alignment, not as necessary as the days get longer and warmer. My body’s needs are shifting, and I am paying attention. I am wanting fresh, clean, hydrating foods. I want all the fruit. I too want a renewed, spring in my step.
Many people often initially think of eating healthy as a means to lose weight, and that healthy coincides with boring, bland meals, full of reminders pointing to deprivation and self destructive thoughts about what one deserves or should be doing better, or shouldn't be doing at all. Restricting ingredients through diets in order to drop pounds and unsavory habits. Contrarily, I love to think of intuitive eating as an opportunity to ADD in new things that fuel and inspire our cells on such a profound level, that we organically begin to shift away from the dense and heavy patterns that no longer are serving. As we add in what our cells, our hearts and our souls are seeking, we begin to crave these things and find ourselves drawn towards them more and more. Plants are miraculous portals of thriving life, with activated intelligence and ancient wisdom. When we welcome this assistance in our lives, we nourish the opening of channels of pure and conscious wellness. Food can be potent medicine for us all, and as I mentioned before, I believe it is an incredible gateway to our evolution. As we begin to incorporate ingredients with strong life force energy, we too can shift on all levels.
One simple and fun way to activate intuitive guidance around food is to start at the market. With so many choices, it may feel overwhelming at first, and even though I personally love geeking out in markets, eyes wide and sparkling with inspiration, I realize it can be a challenging and totally daunting errand, even an obligation for some. So, again, just start small. Begin at the foundation of wellness… head to the plants. When you arrive in the produce section, scan around and allow yourself to become present. As the beauty of spring arrives more each day, follow the rainbow of colors that adorn the displays and pay attention to the hues that jump out at you. Do you notice anything? Is anything drawing you near? Maybe it is the vibrant emerald green of bitter mustards to awaken your liver from the heaviness of winter? Or perhaps the soft red of succulent strawberries? Waiting to boost your immunity and kiss your lips, so sweet and juicy, like little spring jewels. Or maybe you fancy the deeper magenta and lavender skins of crisp radishes that wish to invigorate your blood and welcome some spicy motivation to get moving? Notice the subtleties, what comes up first? Does it feel nourishing to a specific part of your body? Perhaps the nourishment is beyond the physical? Sometimes certain pieces of fruit feel happier to me, as silly as that may sound, or sometimes a certain bunch of celery feels more grounding, like it just fits with my needs on a level that doesn't make sense rationally. It just FEELS right and so good.
Think about how you've been digesting food lately…yes I’m talking about bowels. Maybe you need some more hydrating foods, maybe some steamed broccoli with cold pressed olive oil or avocado sounds good. Maybe you feel like you need something bright and raw, crunchy and fresh? Check out that gorgeous purple cabbage, and grab some fresh mint and parsley to make it interesting. Add some seeds and sprouts, chickpeas or lentils maybe, and your favorite dressing. Maybe the weather is a bit grey and cool still and some warm potato salad with a beautiful mustard vinaigrette is what feels good in your bones. When we focus our intention or hold food in our hands for a moment before placing it in the basket, we welcome a conversation and cultivate a deeper respect for the relationship it offers. The possibilities are infinite, and the wellness path is different for everyone. One commonality for success for any situation however, is intuition. Our guiding hearts that fuel our passion and tell us what feels good and will help us root down to fly so high… this is the magic that creates miracles. Tapping in to the sweetness life has in store.
When we feel sluggish and heavy, uninspired and dull, we naturally will crave the lighter, brighter, freedom of life enhancing ingredients. There is a fine line however in getting here. It’s easy to miss the signals, to stay in routine, to let ourselves get distracted with our habitual comforts and disconnection from our guidance. Our intuition comes to us first in the most subtle ways, as the layers of our energetic field are extremely sensitive and progressively more dense approaching the physical body. Pay attention to your thoughts the next time you stub your toe, or find yourself with itchy ears or excess mucous in your throat after a meal. What is your body communicating to you that perhaps was lost in the delicate language of your highest guidance? I have found through my studies, personal experiences and the dozens of clients I have worked with, that things often manifest on a physical level almost as a last effort to get our attention. Unresolved trauma, emotions, rejected awareness and guidance burrows deep in tissues and changes the structure of cells, filtering our reality, the ways we identify with others, ourselves and our intuitive insights. This will be for another day, as it is quite an in depth topic… however, I do wish to acknowledge here, the ubiquity of autoimmune and life threatening disease that has become a societal norm. Dis-ease, to put it simply, and yet it's so ludicrously complex. So why wait until the body is essentially screaming to take notice, let alone action? I offer this insight because often times people find a path to healthy eating or holistic living only when they are in crisis. I believe we can encourage another choice in our awakening, through consciously prepared, plant predominant meals to activate and inspire health and joy in ways that are incredibly satisfying, surprisingly effortless and totally accessible. We have all the information already, it’s just a matter of polishing our hearts, igniting the fire of self love through deep respect and adoration, and letting our unique truth illuminate the way.
Yes, this is all part of the journey, and part of the gift in awakening is to sensitize to the subtle communication of the majestic universe, activating a deeper wisdom and potential to blossom in wellness and love. Everyone has a different path and mine has had its challenges most certainly. I have learned the hard and also the gentle ways to fuel myself and the flow of this dance changes all the time. I am thriving in a very clean and gentle space, embodying this season organically, not wanting animal products much at all. Currently, I am choosing to stay away from dairy and eggs, grains, beans, and focusing on whole foods only, nothing has multiple ingredients unless I make it myself. All I really want to eat seems to be a shit ton of fruit, but I am feeling most balanced with the addition of raw juices, sprouted seeds, nuts, some legumes like lentils, fresh herbs like mint and cilantro, parsley… and lots of tea, water with lemon and spoonfuls of creamy, raw honey with salt. Things like this. Lots of lemon too. This is my Spring Rejuvenation. This wouldn't have worked for me a few months ago, but for now I am tuning in to my inner rhythm and I am shifting… with the sun, the current waning moon, the budding flowers, the dancing winds and the powerful, aqua blue sea.
So, I leave you with the following questions to ponder, and please feel free to leave a comment below… How is your relationship to nourishing yourself bringing you peace? And if it feels rigid or isolating, unpleasant or overwhelming, where can you open for support? What do you need to feel more alive? More soon… love you all.
Read Intuitive Eating Part 1 here.