Creative Vulnerability: How We utilize our expression and sensitivity to transform life and all of existence
“Creative Vulnerability,” my heart whispered, “this is the way in, and this is the way out...”
Laying in bed this morning, eyes still puffy from yesterday, an absolute melting of walls around my heart, layered in trauma, fear and sorrow, I hear the phrase that suggests a spark of intuitive evolution and radical transformation. So many who know me have told me I am very sensitive, and while I agree, the subliminal connotation is often negatively charged. Rarely is it expressed as a potent gift, empathy and deep compassion that draws feelings from all timelines in all directions, for souls beyond mine alone. I have come to cherish my sensitivity more times than not, for, as an Intuitive, my senses are always expanding, bringing more insight, wisdom and teachings that I know ultimately are for the wellbeing of all. My sensitivity is what grants access to worlds that many are unfamiliar with, where I communicate with my heart to animals and plants, to the sky and to the stars. I can see into what others are feeling, often times before they are even aware. I feel into space, and am shown the quality of life that resides and breathes there. Sometimes what I pick up on is uncomfortable, and still I know it is radically imperative that I choose to honor all that I see with light to the best of my ability. I believe cleaning up and dilating these channels, through presence and acceptance is what enables creative inspiration on so many levels.
Sure, I’ve known I am a creative person. I have even been told that literally my problem is that I’m “just too creative” and “way too sensitive” and this is why from the outside, it appears it’s taken me longer to settle onto a career path or any other number of things that people have decided should or shouldn't be in my life. Talented in many ways and so curious and enamored with so many things, it felt as though choosing a path in any direction would somehow trap me in some illusionary, inevitable future boredom and monotonous routine… total abandon for the thousand other ideas and dreams that have danced through my mind once, if not dozens of times before. Sensitivity and creativity have always felt like the magic that sets my heart on fire, portals for the seriously potent magic I know I am capable of. This dynamic duo drives my passion, my ability to see, feel, hear and understand details about the world that some never question, let alone swim in. So why has it felt so hard? How do we get out of our own way or release the judgements and walls around our incredible gifts and ultimate life force?
When I have insisted on pushing, or rejecting the bubbling of feelings I know ultimately are here for my highest evolution, they accumulate aggressively in my emotional body and leak out periodically, latching to stories of abandonment, trauma, rejection and heartbreaks from my past. To say I’m over this pattern is an understatement. If not for harmony in my own life, but for the wellbeing of the world. I will say this A LOT; what we do, how we speak, act, honor our feelings, love… makes a difference! The influence of our conscious and subconscious actions are rippling through the lives of others, the oceans, the trees, the life that thrives on this planet, and the entire universe at this very moment. We may not always receive validation first hand of the effort we offer, but we matter, our choices matter.
I face intense emotions to help honor them with love, and to choose new ways of existing. Whatever the reason is, I know my choice and ultimate joy lies in my channeling of this energy. What I have come to realize is that this energy is a mysterious benevolence in my life that even though in the moment can create much discomfort, I always find more clarity and love on the other side. The energy that shifts our hearts has purpose, and we all have our roles in sharing ours and expediting it to the rest of the world. Asking myself where this energy wants to move, and how it wishes to transform is the creation of my soul’s journey. The movement of love. So, utilizing this force of creation, how can we begin to really tap into our fullest embodiment and expression? I believe it is through our vulnerability. Through our connection to our heart first and foremost and the frequency we radiate and welcome with all hearts. To create is to be so vulnerable. To illuminate the vision of our hearts, perhaps for the public even, as work? I know... as I sit here typing away, spilling my beans, wondering why I am sharing all this, and honoring still that I feel guided to do so, to respect the process and open wide to creative ingenuity. To be an artist and move with the pulse of the heart feels natural, but when we attach monetary value or find ourselves at the expense of countless critiques, both good and bad, it makes us wonder, how can we really stay grounded and balanced in our unique service? How can we nurture an authentic heart space that fuels our inspiration to continue and evolve? I mean, the definition of vulnerability is “the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.” So, on a subconscious level, no wonder the resistance… no wonder the angst, no wonder the delay.
To create is to bring into existence, wherein we face deep and profound vulnerability. I believe the subconscious works in amazing ways, and through my studies I have encountered numerous ways of tapping into this fascinating world to help heal on all levels, past, present and future. I will most definitely touch on this over the series of these offerings, but for now, let us just play with the idea, as it may be new for some. Our beliefs, conscious and subconscious work as filters in our reality. In a sense, clouding, or magnetizing, avoiding or choosing certain scenarios and happenings in our lives. I have found one of the clearest ways to access the channels of immediate awareness to what my heart is trying to communicate with me is through something I like to call, Creative Vulnerability, how we utilize our expression, our sensitivity, to transform life and all of existence. We all are creative creators. Yes, we all are capable of channeling, creating magic in each moment. Our hearts want to lead, to be heard. To love and to be loved more deeply than we ever imagined possible.
Self love has become seemingly, almost trendy as of recent, and thank goodness for this! I’ve read even “2018 is the year for self care” which is super rad! Making time to rub our skin with oil, to make beautiful spaces around us, to nourish ourselves with delicious and vibrant food… to hydrate our cells, to move our bodies. We are being asked to step up, to show up with our hearts blasting open, and it starts here, now, inside. Let us make space to be so vulnerable with ourselves, to listen, to create. Start small or start big. Write, freely, just for you. Maybe take a bath with flower essences, salts, essential oils and crystals, just so you can breathe and allow yourself to really feel into what you want to welcome in your life. Open your heart and pray, wish, envision, whatever you desire to call it, for something bigger than you. This is where intuition dances, where we abandon rigid should and should nots, and we just melt into the foundation of existence. Everyday we have the opportunity to expand and to love bigger. How can we share more authentically? How can we tap into more light and freedom? Where does our creativity wish to soar? I think the secret lies in listening to what our hearts wish to speak, and just following the process, without attachment or expectation to what the result will look like or should be. And with this, trusting that once we take a step, once we choose to just move, to act on our inspiration, energy moves and we will be supported. Doors will open we never expected to be there in the first place, let alone welcome us in warmly. More love all ways. Xo.
It’s officially Spring, and I am super on board. Just as slivers of light begin to float through the curtains, the birds are already singing, welcoming the day. I love their cheerful conversations and as I lay in bed, I ponder what it is they are actually saying to one another? It’s amazing when you really listen you can pick up on the patterns, the subtle and eloquent trills, so intricate and mysterious. Something so easy to miss, drowned out by the busy morning hustle and bustle of the world. I like to imagine they are singing about breakfast or maybe love, and the delight they simply can’t hide that the sun is rising again. Same same little birdies. I’m grateful to be here to see the sun rise again, to be in love, and for my hungry belly reiterating that it’s indeed time to break my nightly fast and start my day.
Spring welcomes dewy, fresh beginnings, an awakening from the colder and darker months of winter. She embodies delicacy and supple, new life. Looking at the gorgeous bounty, quite literally sprouting to the surface, an invitation arises to nourish ourselves in bright and tender ways. Instinctively, I have been cultivating this energy for the last few weeks more intentionally, meditating early in the morning, and moving away from certain habits and foods which don’t feel in alignment, not as necessary as the days get longer and warmer. My body’s needs are shifting, and I am paying attention. I am wanting fresh, clean, hydrating foods. I want all the fruit. I too want a renewed, spring in my step.
Many people often initially think of eating healthy as a means to lose weight, and that healthy coincides with boring, bland meals, full of reminders pointing to deprivation and self destructive thoughts about what one deserves or should be doing better, or shouldn't be doing at all. Restricting ingredients through diets in order to drop pounds and unsavory habits. Contrarily, I love to think of intuitive eating as an opportunity to ADD in new things that fuel and inspire our cells on such a profound level, that we organically begin to shift away from the dense and heavy patterns that no longer are serving. As we add in what our cells, our hearts and our souls are seeking, we begin to crave these things and find ourselves drawn towards them more and more. Plants are miraculous portals of thriving life, with activated intelligence and ancient wisdom. When we welcome this assistance in our lives, we nourish the opening of channels of pure and conscious wellness. Food can be potent medicine for us all, and as I mentioned before, I believe it is an incredible gateway to our evolution. As we begin to incorporate ingredients with strong life force energy, we too can shift on all levels.
One simple and fun way to activate intuitive guidance around food is to start at the market. With so many choices, it may feel overwhelming at first, and even though I personally love geeking out in markets, eyes wide and sparkling with inspiration, I realize it can be a challenging and totally daunting errand, even an obligation for some. So, again, just start small. Begin at the foundation of wellness… head to the plants. When you arrive in the produce section, scan around and allow yourself to become present. As the beauty of spring arrives more each day, follow the rainbow of colors that adorn the displays and pay attention to the hues that jump out at you. Do you notice anything? Is anything drawing you near? Maybe it is the vibrant emerald green of bitter mustards to awaken your liver from the heaviness of winter? Or perhaps the soft red of succulent strawberries? Waiting to boost your immunity and kiss your lips, so sweet and juicy, like little spring jewels. Or maybe you fancy the deeper magenta and lavender skins of crisp radishes that wish to invigorate your blood and welcome some spicy motivation to get moving? Notice the subtleties, what comes up first? Does it feel nourishing to a specific part of your body? Perhaps the nourishment is beyond the physical? Sometimes certain pieces of fruit feel happier to me, as silly as that may sound, or sometimes a certain bunch of celery feels more grounding, like it just fits with my needs on a level that doesn't make sense rationally. It just FEELS right and so good.
Think about how you've been digesting food lately…yes I’m talking about bowels. Maybe you need some more hydrating foods, maybe some steamed broccoli with cold pressed olive oil or avocado sounds good. Maybe you feel like you need something bright and raw, crunchy and fresh? Check out that gorgeous purple cabbage, and grab some fresh mint and parsley to make it interesting. Add some seeds and sprouts, chickpeas or lentils maybe, and your favorite dressing. Maybe the weather is a bit grey and cool still and some warm potato salad with a beautiful mustard vinaigrette is what feels good in your bones. When we focus our intention or hold food in our hands for a moment before placing it in the basket, we welcome a conversation and cultivate a deeper respect for the relationship it offers. The possibilities are infinite, and the wellness path is different for everyone. One commonality for success for any situation however, is intuition. Our guiding hearts that fuel our passion and tell us what feels good and will help us root down to fly so high… this is the magic that creates miracles. Tapping in to the sweetness life has in store.
When we feel sluggish and heavy, uninspired and dull, we naturally will crave the lighter, brighter, freedom of life enhancing ingredients. There is a fine line however in getting here. It’s easy to miss the signals, to stay in routine, to let ourselves get distracted with our habitual comforts and disconnection from our guidance. Our intuition comes to us first in the most subtle ways, as the layers of our energetic field are extremely sensitive and progressively more dense approaching the physical body. Pay attention to your thoughts the next time you stub your toe, or find yourself with itchy ears or excess mucous in your throat after a meal. What is your body communicating to you that perhaps was lost in the delicate language of your highest guidance? I have found through my studies, personal experiences and the dozens of clients I have worked with, that things often manifest on a physical level almost as a last effort to get our attention. Unresolved trauma, emotions, rejected awareness and guidance burrows deep in tissues and changes the structure of cells, filtering our reality, the ways we identify with others, ourselves and our intuitive insights. This will be for another day, as it is quite an in depth topic… however, I do wish to acknowledge here, the ubiquity of autoimmune and life threatening disease that has become a societal norm. Dis-ease, to put it simply, and yet it's so ludicrously complex. So why wait until the body is essentially screaming to take notice, let alone action? I offer this insight because often times people find a path to healthy eating or holistic living only when they are in crisis. I believe we can encourage another choice in our awakening, through consciously prepared, plant predominant meals to activate and inspire health and joy in ways that are incredibly satisfying, surprisingly effortless and totally accessible. We have all the information already, it’s just a matter of polishing our hearts, igniting the fire of self love through deep respect and adoration, and letting our unique truth illuminate the way.
Yes, this is all part of the journey, and part of the gift in awakening is to sensitize to the subtle communication of the majestic universe, activating a deeper wisdom and potential to blossom in wellness and love. Everyone has a different path and mine has had its challenges most certainly. I have learned the hard and also the gentle ways to fuel myself and the flow of this dance changes all the time. I am thriving in a very clean and gentle space, embodying this season organically, not wanting animal products much at all. Currently, I am choosing to stay away from dairy and eggs, grains, beans, and focusing on whole foods only, nothing has multiple ingredients unless I make it myself. All I really want to eat seems to be a shit ton of fruit, but I am feeling most balanced with the addition of raw juices, sprouted seeds, nuts, some legumes like lentils, fresh herbs like mint and cilantro, parsley… and lots of tea, water with lemon and spoonfuls of creamy, raw honey with salt. Things like this. Lots of lemon too. This is my Spring Rejuvenation. This wouldn't have worked for me a few months ago, but for now I am tuning in to my inner rhythm and I am shifting… with the sun, the current waning moon, the budding flowers, the dancing winds and the powerful, aqua blue sea.
So, I leave you with the following questions to ponder, and please feel free to leave a comment below… How is your relationship to nourishing yourself bringing you peace? And if it feels rigid or isolating, unpleasant or overwhelming, where can you open for support? What do you need to feel more alive? More soon… love you all.
Read Intuitive Eating Part 1 here.
My journey with food has been, well, complicated. Many people who meet me today are shocked to hear that growing up I struggled with weight issues, unhealthy habits, including eating disorders, and that as I child I was made fun of relentlessly for being the chub. I was confused about food, particularly in regards to how it did or didn't make me feel. In my teenage years I found a sense of control and false confidence as I restricted my caloric intake to almost nothing and watched the pounds slip away and the attention build. I remember eating a banana. Period. Calling it a day. I was essentially obsessed with my relationship to food in one way or another for much of my life. Like so many are. And like any obsessive, addicting, or unhealthy relationship, I was exhausted. I wanted to find a new way to thrive.
Growing up, not everything was so ominous around food however. I remember one of my most vivid foodie memories from the first time I tried hummus. I was on a field trip for school and someone brought lunch for all the students. We had hummus in whole wheat pita with sprouts and grated carrots. Sprouts?! Those curiously twirling, magical bits of life. And hummus?! Lemony and creamy, nutty tahini notes... Are you kidding? I had never. The next day, we had almond butter and apricot jam sandwiches, on some kind of ridiculously amazing whole grain bread. “Brown bread” I came home to rave about… my body knew.
Over the years I danced with my heart/body/mind influences on food. I travelled abroad at 19 and was entranced with the romantic cuisine of Italy in particular; the simple and clean ingredients, the robust and arousing experience of dining. I loved the connection to life that was imperative to eating and being joyfully satisfied. Eating dairy over there felt different than in the states. My body digested it differently, and eating cheese suddenly felt incredibly nourishing. I studied health and wellness, nutrition and energetic light work daily, and began experimenting with new ingredients and choices. The most exciting thing was discovering how much I really enjoyed food that felt the most nourishing and ideal for my wellbeing. I just began to put things together that I loved with ingredients that looked and smelled beautiful. Choosing the bounty that almost seemed to jump out at me always led to the most unexpected and delicious combinations.
In my mid twenties, I was moving through a massive shift in consciousness, basically waking up to some seriously potent energy and my body just couldn't hang with the way I was eating. I was suddenly extra sensitive to so many things. I wanted clean ingredients, soft food, easy to digest. My soul was craving food with powerful life force energy, nutrient dense superfoods, adaptogens, and plants. Organically, I moved away from animal products. I was listening, and at the time my body made it very clear what it wanted and what it didn’t. Eggs? Nope. Gag. Fish? No way. Apple pie? I still can’t even believe that I felt so turned off. What was happening?
My lifestyle evolved into a very clean, vegan diet. At one point I was only eating fruit as my sugar, no maple, honey or even dried fruit. I eliminated grains, soy, so many things. It just became this massive self experiment. I became a raw vegan, which didn't last too long. My rawpocalypse. I was processing so much energy, that while it was beneficial for some time, I began to feel depleted. I was moving through a spiritual cleansing and awakening, and as I started to come back to my body, I needed more grounding foods, more building foods. More stability and warmth. Like clockwork, I started having dreams about eating lamb. I know you guys, vegan to lamb sounds so… well it sounds so, I know. Luckily for me I lived in a county with the most beautiful food, ethically and consciously raised. I resisted for a bit but eventually let go of my judgement and listened. I didn't know why I needed it but I just did. I already lived with my favorite farmers, and knew where to get the best quality meat around. Alas, I became the vegan, turned monster to so many. An outrage to much of the community I was in. To my surprise, I graciously enjoyed my new taste for animal protein and began to experiment bringing in eggs and fish again. Eggs took some time, but it was salmon season, and my wild, foraging buddies were feeding my soul with the bounty from our homeland.
Cut to several years later, and I am an omnivore again. My relationship with food is colorful, creative, joyful, nourishing, and intuitive. It is mutually respectful. To be an omnivore today doesn't mean I eat everything everyday, it just means that I do my best to always eat with integrity, consciously. That I fuel my body with wholesome, health encouraging foods daily. Honoring that each day is different, my needs physically, emotionally, and spiritually are different. The seasons change, the weather changes, my location and the availability of food ebbs and flows. I’ve found that the flexibility in my approach to my choices with food are essential to my success in health and joy. This means that what worked yesterday may or may not work today. If I wake up and it’s raining, I might not turn my blender on for an epic blueberry and rose smoothie. Maybe I’ll stew my berries with cardamom, add some coconut butter or ghee, top them with warmed hemp milk, lemon zest, chia seeds, toasted walnuts. Maybe some rose still cause sometimes I'm fancy. We can have a foundation and express it many ways. If we think of our relationship with food as an intuitive flow, we will always be guided. This doesn't mean, that chocolate cake cravings should always take precedence, but, maybe the craving can teach us something?
Sugar cravings usually signal a drop in energy, so let's look to mineral rich foods, complex carbohydrates, and/or perhaps hydration, some water is necessary? Or have we eaten much at all, or waited too long since our last meal? Have we had any vegetables, clean fat and protein? Enough fiber to keep us satiated? Perhaps some extra love is needed, as chocolate for many is associated with romance, or a special treat. So how might we give ourselves some extra love? What is behind the craving? Can we honor ourselves with a few extra moments to breathe and feel into that which our heart is communicating? We all have the power and the gift to do this. There is so much conflicting information, so many fad diets, so many options. Food is flown in from all over the world that may be doing more harm to our planet than always necessary. What can we do but listen to what is going to sustain us? How incredible to feel into this process of life and empower ourselves to support optimal wellness. We can start small. We can go inward. We can TRUST OUR GUTS!
I am not saying it's easy though! Or that it happens overnight. I will say however, it's incredibly surprising and inspiring to see how quickly the shifts occur when we consciously step up to flowing with the current of our evolutionary process. Do I believe that what we eat influences our awareness, both internally and externally? Absolutely. Am I proposing that this awareness helps to facilitate an expansion in the evolution of consciousness? Totally. My yoga teacher often inspires the notion of fertile soil, and that we must start with our foundation first if we wish to see things grow. Then we plant the seeds, then we nourish with water and sunshine and the like. So we get down to basics, back to instinct, to our primal roots. Intuition.
At the end of the day, it's really about how we want to feel, yes? So ask yourself that now... write it down even. Energized for life? Connected to your heart? Maybe just more aware that you really matter, and that you are capable of the health you desire. It starts within, and the second that we make that choice the Universe will conspire in our favor because by doing our part, by choosing to love ourselves first, we create the shift that moves outward in ways we can't even begin to fathom. And how can we begin to cultivate this self love?What better way than to trust ourselves, to feel into our hearts, our incredible vessels, our guiding compasses. The world needs us to love more, and it starts here. So, how about we listen first, and balance ourselves first. How about we open our hearts and let go of what our minds tell us we should and shouldn't do. Maybe we are more intelligent than we give ourselves credit for. Maybe we just need help remembering who and what we are. Ready?Let us journey into the wild nature of Intuitive Eating. TO BE CONTINUED...
Read Intuitive Eating Part 2 here.